Next week's topic

I was talking to hemp this weekend and he told me that it was my turn to pick a topic. Personally, I told him that I didn't that would be very fair of me since I have been so busy that not only have I not had time write in weeks, but I haven't even had time to read any of the stories. (I will eventually though, I promise.) Given that, and the fact that I'm not even sure if I'll have enough time to write this week either, he told me to post a topic.

Often times some of the greatest heroes and villains to to ever be written about are real people who are or were actually alive. My assignment is to take an obviously famous historical figure (one that everyone has , or should have, heard of) and write a historical fiction piece that stars that character, good or bad.

Sin - Gluttony

199lbs

My name is Henry Glaucher. I am 30 years old and in great shape. Alright, maybe I’m a little out of shape from what I used to be but it’s not a big deal. I used to be the star linebacker on my high school football team. 200lbs might not sound like a lot but when you’re 5’9” all muscle, it packs quite a punch, let me tell you. Life was great back then, I worked like a horse, and ate like a dog. Ever since getting this desk job 2 years ago, I’ve been working more like a lazy hippo. Surfacing only to get food and drink. I still eat though, so I know I have good nutrients getting into my body. I should get rid of this extra flab though, I’ve been thinking about getting a membership at the gym, that’ll work.

301lbs

Eating: the consumption of food; which through biological processes your body breaks down and turns into the energy which is necessary to live. The more one eats the better they should live. Look at the kings of old, praised for the amount of food they could devour. Eating to the point of obesity has even influenced fashion styles. The reason that men do not button the bottom button on a sport coat is because when King Edward VII was too fat to button his bottom button, everyone else stopped too and it is still the style today 100 years later. So eating isn’t really so bad. I just can’t help it. It’s not even that everything tastes so good, it is just the feeling of eating makes me so happy. Plus I’m not that fat, there are plenty of people bigger than I am.

411lbs

Ok, so I’ve gained a little weight. Proportionately, it’s not that much; just one third more than before. Eating is my favorite thing to do, and why not, there are so many varieties of foods. It has been a small problem though since I got fired from my job. My boss actually told me it was unprofessional to have food delivered to the office. No one else gets in trouble for having food delivered, but apparently having it delivered three times a day “is just unacceptable.” What a jerk, oh well, I just find another job soon. In the mean time I got this really nice severance plan, so I should have plenty of money before I find a new job. On top of that ever since my nagging wife left me, I’ve got this whole place to myself. I think I’ll buy a treadmill and put it in what used to her office, it’ll be better than that gym membership I never use. You know I went a couple times, but people kept looking at me like some idiot who didn’t know what he was doing, don’t they know I still hold the record for number of 300lb reps at the high school?

547lbs

Man, that whole treadmill thing turned out to be a huge bust. I can’t afford those prices, especially when no one will fucking hire me. I have bills to pay and groceries to buy. I went to a financial advisor the other day, what a jerk off. He told me that my groceries bills were of an unusually large percentage of my monthly expenses. I was like, “look, I may eat more than average person, but come on it’s not that excessive. I get hungry so I eat. Yesterday I ate a box of doughnuts, two bowls of cereal, and some eggs and bacon for breakfast. I ate some jerky, chips and Cheetos before lunch because I wanted a snack. I went to that restaurant down the street for lunch, and had bread, soup, salad, ribs, potatoes, corn, and vegetables. Of course I also had some of that great cheesecake they serve. I took an extra piece home for later, but I ate it on the way home. Later that afternoon I made myself a couple of sandwiches and then had a frozen pizza with it. I nibbled on a pint or two of Ben and Jerry’s later. For dinner I had those two fried chickens that they sell precooked at the store, a small box of pasta-roni, another frozen pizza, and more ice cream for dessert.” The man looked at me in disbelief, but I’m pretty sure he understood why my grocery expenses were a little above normal.

752lbs

Ever since my legs started to bother me I haven’t really left my condo. Yeah, it’s a condo, I couldn’t afford my house anymore so I moved into a condo. My sister called me the other day to tell me that my nephew Jeff is in the newspaper for his work at the soup kitchen. I don’t get the paper, so I figured I’d look at my neighbor’s paper, but when I tried to leave, I couldn’t fit through the door. I didn’t even realize it had been three months since I was last outside. All of my food is delivered to me from this website which makes it easier because of my legs. Stupid legs, if it wasn’t for them I could exercise and loose this weight.

889lbs

I hate my life. No one visits me anymore, and all I do is eat, maybe I should really loose this weight and get my life back in order. Oh that’s right I can’t. I went into cardiac arrest yesterday and died. It’s a good the thing the guy from the website came to deliver my groceries; otherwise I don’t think anyone would have found me. It took six firemen to move my body out of the house, and they had to remove my door frame and cut a bigger hole in the wall to fit my body through. If only I could take it back now.

Sins

Ok so here's my idea for next week. Pick one of the seven deadly sins and write a story around that idea showing humanity at it's worst. If you guys totally hate this idea then let me know and i'll come up with something else.

I'm a Genie in a Bottle

Ok, so this is really short, but I've tried to put some thought into this. Basically this is kind of a look at the real world from a genie's perspective.

***

Dark. Cold. Small. Dark. Cold. Small. Dark. Cold. Small. Dark. Cold. Small. Dark. Cold. Small. Dark. Cold. Small.

Tingles.

That hasn’t happened in while?!

WOOOSH

Ahh yes, a world full of ants with one glorious master before me.

“How may I serve thee?”

The woman screams.

The master must have been stabbed, PLEASE don’t let her die, I can’t go back, I want to stay here. Hey, where am I?

OK, let’s see. There is a starry sky above me, and stone walls around me on three sides. How strange each stone is a perfect rectangle, this must be a palace of sorts. I seem to be at the end some long hallway or alley, the walls of which are lined with black sacks, most of which are ripped with could only appear to be garbage spilling forth. What third-world country is this? My last master, Kind soul and all would never have wanted to see the world in this state, in fact, his wishes were in the hopes of making the world better.

The woman falls over with glazed eyes mumbling.

Ok well this woman is clearly speaking a language other than Aramaic or Hebrew, and it doesn’t appear to be Greek either. Great, they always hate when I invade their minds to learn their tongues. It’s the one power I have that doesn’t require a direct wish.

WOOOSH

I must be way farther in the future than I thought, there are so many words in this language that have no parallels in any of the old languages. Let’s try this again.

“How may I serve thee?”

“Why me?”

Ok well at least I got the language right, but she seems to be looking at me as if this is all a dream. Hmm, from her garb and look I’d say she is probably a palace dancer. Tight pink shirt, small black loin covering, probably a slave, this could be her lucky day.

“I am what you call a genie.” What an odd name for me “I am a guardian, and will follow your commands. I can also grant you one extraordinary wish per moon. What can I do for you?”

“Help me.”

“The direction must be specified for I fear I am no familiar with what exactly you want me to do?”

What is wrong with this slave? Her hair is unkempt, and her clothing is dirty, maybe she has been kicked out of the palace. How did a mere slave come in possession of my bottle? I hate that thing, it is my life and my prison. A simple clay bottle built to perfection with not a mark upon it, at least it has been taken care of over the years.

Running footsteps.

Uh-oh, people are coming, time to hide.

The running gets close, there is a lot of commotion.

“Dispatch, this is Baker Twelve, we have 261 victim, get an ambulance down here immediately.”

“I hate rape cases, pick her up.”

The bottle falls out of her hands and cracks.

Dark. Cold. Small. Dark. Cold. Small.

Memoir???

Ok, so I looked at all those memoir links and I think I might understand what a memoir is but I'm still not really sure. So I write an opening paragraph to what I think is memoir about GenCon. So here it is, let me know if I'm on the right track here or if I totally missed the ball.

Society has its social norms: what to say, how to act, what to wear, etc. As a general rule people follow these norms to blend in with their social environment. So what is up with the patrons of GenCon? They neither know what to say, how to act, or what to wear to fit into everyday society. At first I just thought that they simply did not realize that norms existed and people just in, at looked however random they wanted to, but after I passed my fifth patron who was obese, had a greasy ponytail, and was wearing jeans and a black t-shirt with some phrase like “I pwn n00bs”, I realized that this is not just some random not understanding of social norms, but must be intentional.