Smoking Chimp Story: Smokin' Apes

Hey guys,

Let me know what you think. Originally I wanted to try something else for this assignment, but due to the smoking ape, along with some other limits I placed on myself, I was not able to do what I originally set out to do. Thus, I compromised.

Let me know what you guys think

Some things I'd like you to to consider:

• are the series of events and the descriptions clear
  
• does the story have a flow that keeps you as the reader interested
  
• the ending is sudden and leaves the reader without many answers, does this take away from the story as it is.
  

P.S. Thanks again Pete for the help.

Enjoy.

Smoking' Apes

The sign on the door still read “Dr. Eli Lucius.” Devon Knocked on the door.

Devon could hear footsteps, coming closer from within the laboratory, mingle with light vocal squeaks and whines. The door opened.

“Hi,” The man who answered the door looked to be in his late twenties. “Dr. Devon Sands, right?”

“Yeah,” Said Devon, still taking in the young lab assistant. He didn’t look like a lab rat, his hair was fashionable and his complexion well kept. A slight tinge of envy nipped at the back of Devon’s mind, as he became aware of his pasty skin and his doughy mid section.

“I’m Mark, come on in,” The lab was neat and orderly like most others at the university, but unlike the others this labs had an element of decor that was more refined then the usual pictures of family, and geek humor set up by most researchers. A few bamboo plants, a bonsai, a picture frame showing Mark and a second young man. They seemed close, thought Devon. He tried not to stare at the picture.

“I left all of Professor Lucius’ stuff exactly how it was,” he pointed to the screen desk near the cages, “of course I’ve been taking care of Lucy, but that’s a given.” He walked over to the large cage against the wall against and squat down to eye level with the Chimpanzee who was still whining for attention.

“Lucy,” Mark spoke to her like one would speak to a child, “Do you want to meet Doctor Sands?” The ape looked at Devon and then scurried toward the back of the cage.

“I’m sorry Doctor she’s a little shaken up, I don’t know what they told you but the Professor, came in the night…” theree was a pause, as if Mark couldn’t finish the sentence,” the night before he died.”

“No, nobody told me about it,” Devon was not surprised though. Doctor Lucius had been difficult to get a hold of for the past two months before his death. No body knew what had been doing. “What was he doing here?”

“I don’t know, when I came in Tuesday morning I found him passed out at his screen desk, and Lucy was pretty agitated.” Mark eyes became watery, he clenched his jaw and bit back his frustration, “I’m sorry Professor, I thought I was helping him, I called a cab to take him home... that was the last I’d seen him.”

Devon wasn’t sure what to do. He was afraid that Mark would begin to cry, and wondered whether he should say something reassuring to the research assistant. There had been rumors about the university about Professor Lucius. Devon folded his arms “I’m sorry, It must be hard,” Devon Mumbled the words more than spoke them.

Before Devon had a chance to say anything else Mark had relaxed his jaw and blinked away his watery eyes. “Sorry, it’s just been a rough couple of days.”

Devon nodded.

After a few minutes, Mark was looking better and gave an embarrassed laugh “, so how can I help you?”

“Well,” Started Devon, “The University wants me to find out where Doctor Lucius was in his research, why haven’t we been able to get ahold of him over the past two months, and if I can continue where he left off.”

“Well, there hasn’t been much research going for a while now.”

“What do you mean?” If Doctor Lucius abandoned his research the university would not be happy.

“Well,” Mark pulled up a chair at his own desk, “I think about two months ago, after Professor Lucius came back from his uncle’s funeral, he asked me to look after the lab for a few days, and to take care of Lucy.”

Devon had pulled out a notepad and began taking notes, “So what happened after a few days?”

“Nothing, he didn’t show up, he didn’t call,” There was a hint of anger in Mark’s voice, it wasn’t until a week later that I got an Email from Professor Lucius telling me that he would be absent for a while, and that I should tell the university that everything was fine. I didn’t hear from him since, I called, I even went to his home. Nothing. Until...” Marks jaw began to shake again.

“It’s okay, I don’t need anymore.”

Mark nodded.

“Mark what can you tell me about the research, about Lucy?”

“Lucy,” The new topic made Mark look a little more relaxed, “well, she’s probably the most important Primatological specimen ever found.”

“Why is that...?”

Devon was interrupted by Lucy’s high pitched whining. She had emerged from the back of the cage and was making hand gestures. Devon had researched chimpanzees and chimpanzee communication but he was unfamiliar with the words that Lucy was signing. At least He was never familiar with an ape to use that specific sign. He pointed at her with his pen. “Is she asking for what I think she’s asking for?”

Mark stood. Obviously not thrilled about what he was about to do. “Yes, she is.” As mark walked up to the cage he pulled out a cigarette, and handed it to Lucy. Producing a lighter from a pile of bedding, she lit the cigarette with two hands. “Somehow during her transport here, she picked up a pack and lighter, we haven’t been able to wean her.”

Devon wasn’t sure what to think of that, “Where did Lucy come from?”

“Huh?” Mark was looking at Lucy with disapproval, she was smiling, “Oh, The Professor was researching Religious Memes among refugees, in the northern Congo; this was During the Sudan War in 2034.”

“How did Doctor Lucius jump from refugees to Chimps?” Devon was aware that Doctor Lucius had several Doctorates, but that was still a bit of a sudden Jump.

“It wasn’t too difficult,” mark Shrugged, “A colleague of his was studying Lucy’s troop in the area and asked Professor Lucius to help.”

“What did this Colleague need help with?”

“Lucy and the rest of her troop began fashioning stone tools.”

Devon stopped writing notes, “What do you mean?”

“I mean exactly what I said,” mark turned around and looked directly at Devon, “Lucy and the rest of her troop back in Africa learned that by striking two stones together that they could make jagged rocks that they began throwing animals that they would hunt.”

Devon still could not bring himself to write any of this down, “Are you suggesting?” Devon didn’t want to finish.

“Yes. Members of Lucy’s troop are found to have shorter fetal periods, are born on average two weeks earlier than your average chimp allowing for a fontanel.” He turned and looked at Lucy and said the next words almost as if he didn’t believe them himself, “Their brains are more fully developed at birth.” He paused for a moment and looked back at Devon, “and what to they do? They take up smoking.”

Devon sat speechless. This couldn’t be possible. “Professor Lucius had an ape specimen that is a step closer to human intelligence than anything has ever been... and he just dropped his research?”

“Maybe you’ll be able to find something in his notes, I have no idea why he disappeared, or why he...” Mark stopped for a moment, “Why he killed himself. I don’t think I want to know.”

The two sat in silence for a short time, only Lucy’s quite whines could be heard while she was between puffs.

“Doctor Sands,” Mark was the first to speak, “I need to get going, I have to meet my husband for dinner, will you be okay locking up her before you leave?”

It took Devon a moment to take in what the research assistant had just said, “Oh, yes, I’ll be fine.”

As the young lab assistant left he stopped and turned at the door, “Doctor.”

“Yes,” Devon wasn’t sure what to expect.

“When I found Professor Lucius that morning, he looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks, he seemed paranoid, and he left Lucy very agitated, I’m not sure what he was doing, but maybe that will help you.”

“Thank you,” Devon watched the lab assistant close the door and leave. The office was quiet. The quiet was so loud that it swallowed almost all sounds.

Devon sat at the desk of Doctor Lucius. The touch sensitive top of the desk displaying a screen saver of rain drops sliding along the strands of a spider web.

When Devon touched the orb on top of the desk screen a voice came from nearby speakers, “Name and pass code, please,”

“Doctor Sands, University override, The white kitten had had nothing to do with it,” Devon used the orb to sign his mark on the screen.

“Override acknowledged, good evening Doctor Sands.”

“Evening Alice,” Devon took a deep breathe, “Alice, please pull up the research Data of Doctor Lucius. Parameter is 'Lucy'” The Screen filled with an array of video, audio, text, and picture files. But still there seemed to be at least two years worth of Data.

“Well, Lucy,” he looked at the Chimp, wondering what was capable of, “We have a long night ahead of us” She looked at him; there was a sad look in her eyes. She motioned for a cigarette. Devon looked into a drawer of the screen desk and found a pack.

As Devon sat, motionless and quite, reading, watching, listening to the early research of Doctor Lucius, and as Lucy sat smoking her cigarette motion sensors of the lights kicked off and went to sleep. The lab became dark, but for the glow of the screen desk and the cigarette.

Some of the earlier files dealt with Professor Lucius’ observations of the troop in the wild, but eventually those were replaced by observations done in the lab.

Around nine at night, after four hours, Devon was tired, his eyes caused the shadows of the lab to seem as if they were moving. He rubbed them with his palms and leaned back in the chair. He had been reading about the period during which Lucy was learning Primate sign language, but he couldn’t keep focused. Something was bothering him.

It was a strange feeling that he had since he began scanning through the files, and as he sat there, the files laid out in front of him, he suddenly realized what it was. Mark said that Lucius had fallen asleep at his desk. But even the most recent file was dated just over two months ago. What, Devon wondered, was the professor doing here?”

“Alice, Search, new parameters,” he checked his watch, “Search for files opened or created January 11 and 10 of 2037.” The massive assortment of research files vanished and a new file Dated 01/11/37 2:00 am sat alone on the search field. It was titled “Lock.”

“An immersive?” Devon whispered under his breath. It wasn't unusual but none of The Doctor other files where immersive.

"Alice, begin a corruption scan on Lock."

A bar appeared over the File showing the progression of the scan. Devon walked over to the cage. Lucy wasn't sleeping, but at least she wasn't asking for a cigarette. "You know this things will kill you, cutie."

Lucy Came up to Devon and hugged him through the cage, and then pointed to the lock on her door. "You want me to let you out?"

Lucy signed "no," but then immediately signed the words, "Out, Lucy, out."

Devon laughed a bit, "I don't think I trust slightly smarter Chimps just yet."

Again she signed, "Out Lucy." But by this point Devon was no longer paying attention. The voice of Alice had announced that the scan was done, "No corruption found, Password required".

Devon once again gave his clearance.

"I'm sorry Doctor Sands, your clearance has been rejected, please supply the appropriate keyphrase."

"Great," Said Devon, "any ideas Lucy?"

Lucy Began signing for a cigarette. Devon began reaching into his pocket, but stopped. Lucy had begun to Sign "No" and then again signed "cigarette" again.

Devon exhaled his frustration, "I guess being smarter also makes you indecisive huh." Devon walked up with the Cigarette.

Lucy was standing on two legs. She took the cigarette with one hand but kept pointing at the desk with the other.

"Ok, what do you want now," Devon was liking this ape less every minute.

Again she signed "cigarette."

"You already have a..." Devon stared at the Lucy amazed. He couldn't believe what he was thinking.

"Alice," Devon bolted back to the screen, "Open File: Lock. Password: cigarette."

The Screen went blank, "Access Granted, Doctor Sands, a jack is required to interface with this file."

Devon Grabbed one of the jacks, from the mount on the corner of the desk. He connected one end behind his ear with his own interface, and then another end into the computer. He felt the tingle and saw the progress bar in front of his eyes work its way from left to right. "Launch File."

There was a tingling warm feeling that swirled through Devon's head, and within a few moments there appeared in the room images that seemed to surround him. The images were an overlay, having substance only in his head. They did not exist in the outside of the controlled hallucination of the immersion program.

The images became clear. The file created a virtual space in Devon's mind that was now superimposed, without flaw, Devon's vision of the physical world. As the virtual entities took shape Devon perceived that cubes where set on the desk before him. Each one was emanating and internal light. They sat in two outer columns of three, and a central column of four. The central column extended out of the square created by the two outside columns. The First cube of the center sat before Devon, above that was the second witch sat between and below the first outside pair. The Third cube of the central co;umn rested in a point central the first and second pairs of the outside columns. The fourth sat between but above the last pair of outward cubes, alone. But there was an eleventh point.

Centering the Second and third outward pairs, Devon saw nothing. It was empty.

As the ten cubes sat before Devon, he could feel each one pulse with energy. He new in the back of his mind that this was little more than an illusion, but the realism of the experience filled him with an anxiety he could not understand. There was something troubling about the cubes, or more accurately, he thought, behind the cubes.

As he surveyed the cubes he became aware that each cube pulsed at a different frequency, like notes of descending order. With a deep breath Devon touched the cube nearest to him.

The cube's pulse became a low constant throb and all at once the other cubes went silent. Devon removed his hand from the cube with sudden fear. It was not the sudden change of the cubes behavior that frightened him, but something much more subtle. He was not, in fact, completely sure that he had heard it.

He once again touched the nearest cube, again it throbbed. Devon sat and listened for any change. There was something deep, far beneath the hum. Something whispered. Devon held on this time, and listened hard. But the whisper became no clearer.

He suddenly had a thought "Alice, I thought there was no file corruption."

"There is no file corruption, but a part of the file was modified."

"How was it modified?"

"I have a record of information from this file being copied and moved to another file, named Key."

"Could you bring up Key?"

"I'm sorry Doctor Sands, that file was copied then deleted immediately after its creation."

"Shit." Devon sat back in Doctor Lucius' chair, the cubes laid out before him.

What is all of this, he wondered, what was The Professor doing. His head swam with thoughts about what he was looking at, and what it meant. Did this file have something to do with The Professor's death?

His thoughts were suddenly interrupted by Lucy. She shrieked and banged her cage.

"What is it now, Lucy,"

The Chimp was agitated. She was back to asking for, "Out, Lucy, Out, Lucy."

Devon breathed "Christ," he removed the jack and stood up. He paced back and forth in front of the screen desk. The voice of the whisper played in the back of his head. Lucy was yelling.

Breaking his train of thought, he leaned up against Lucy's cage. His forehead between two of the bars. "What about you Lucy? Any ideas?"

"Out, Lucy."

Devon laughed, "The Doctor didn't tell you were he put the key did he, silly monkey?"

"Lucy," She signed.

"I know, 'Lucy out,' I know."

Lucy whined and shook her head. There was something serious about her exaggerated head shake. Something Devon saw in her eyes. There was something different about Lucy, He reminded himself that there was something about her, different from any other Primate he had dealt with.

"Alice," he was back at the screen desk. “Search records... where there any external drives attached to the computer on January the tenth and the eleventh?"

"Running search," immediately records showed that two separate drives where used one on the tenth and one on the eleventh. The external drive used on the eleventh was named Lucy.

"Alice, what was the format of external drive: Lucy?"

"Biological."

Devon was now looking at Lucy. She was standing on two legs looking back at him.

"Human?"

"No."

Devon couldn’t believe it. "Alice, check again, No known, non-human brain on record has ever been able to safely store data. Confirm "biological" and "non-human" parameters."

"I'm sorry, Doctor Sands, The biological drive lacked human capacity or performance parameters, but it did not register as corrupted, therefore could not have been human."

Lucy was looking back and forth from Devon to the screen, "Out, Lucy,"

Devon Jacked for the monitoring interface behind Lucy’s ear. It was there, but it wasn’t a standard monitoring interface, it was a full interface. The scar tissue was old. Lucy was wide awake.

Devon let Lucy out of the cage and brought her to the desk. Just as he did with himself, he interfaced Lucy with the desk. A small icon of an apes hand print showed up on the surface. Devon opened the drive. There was a file named “Test” dated seven months ago, and another named “Key” Dated January 11th.

It was running.

"No wonder you haven't been sleeping,"

Lucy signed, "Out, Lucy." Devon was beginning to realize just what he was dealing with, and how blind he had been before.

"Don't worry we will," Devon was concerned. It wasn't the Key file that was causing Lucy to have sleeping problems; it was a hash file, a barrier protecting the key file. It's probably why she's been so agitated, he thought. But there was something else. Having Alice probe the Key file he learned that the hash was not keeping him out but rather keeping the key in.

"I'm sorry, Doctor Sands, but any attempt to remove Key from the external drive will cause corruption to the drive itself."

Finally tired and out of ideas he decided there was nothing left but to see what the doctor was hiding.

"Alice, Run files Lock and Key."

With his own headjack he could now see the immersive as it was meant to be experienced.

The immersive filled all of Devon's vision with black. The darkness was filled with sounds. Chaotic and inhuman. The light that came next was bright and blinding and when it receded all that was left was the set of ten cubes, but this time the eleventh point was emanating it's own light.

Devon and Lucy watched as a shining orb manifested from the light, rose over their heads and shattered. Its infinite particles spread across the virtual space.

Devon thought that he was now looking at a starry sky, but he after a moment he realized that that was not the case. The dust from the orb had formed specks of light in the blackness, but they did not fill the whole space, rather they clustered together to over the form of an empty orb. As the immersion lifted the scene, of the room was coming back into focus.

Devon couldn't understand where the silence had come from. Nor could he understand why the world moved so slowly. Why couldn't he here anything, he wondered, as he impacted the floor.

All at once the world came back, the sounds of gunfire filled the room, a bright light, followed by silence. Lucy was on the ground next to him. Devon's hands were cold and wet.

Devon was seeing the world through the eyes of someone else, someone who was no longer him. It was becoming more distant. Someone was squatting near his body. The name tag read "Mark Goodman" below that, "Lab. Assistant."

The last sounds Devon ever heard was someone calling, "Professor, don't go. What did you see? WHAT DID YOU SEE? MILES, GET HELP." The Light was gone.

The Hunted Monkey (Smoking Monkey)

Topic: Aharon: Incorporate a smoking monkey.

Special Note: Today, I whipped up a second smoking monkey story. Since the new topic will be posted tomorrow, I felt the need to post it right away. Enjoy.
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Fur. Norton could still smell the fur. Burnt fur was a smell that haunted your steps. The dry cleaner would hold his nose when you handed over your coat. After the deed, your sack girl would mention how the smell distracted her. And for Norton, the fur was like a phantom smell. Any time he caught of whiff of burning, it smelled like that combo of fire, fur, and flesh. One hundred yards from the yellow tape and he recognized the smell. It was going to be one of those days.

“Another fuzzy?” Norton said to the crime scene attendant as he walked under the yellow tape. The tone made the words seem more like a statement and less like a question. Norton didn’t have to hold his nose any more. It scared him, he’d gotten used to the stench.

“Yah, Detective Norton. Same as before. Dead monkey. Body moved from the original scene. Charcoaled,” the slightly chubby crime scene attendant said as she stood up from her crouch. She looked Norton in the eye, but averted her glaze.

“What is it, Pancake?”

“There was one difference. The monkey was…assaulted,” the attendant said. Norton looked at her as though she had made the most obvious comment in the world. “Sexually assaulted.” Norton scraped his chin with his thumb a few times and began to shake his head.

“How does a man plug a live monkey in the ass?” Norton said. Norton wasn’t concerned with the mindset at the moment; he was thinking more of the logistics.

“It wasn’t alive, Norton.”

Norton’s eyebrows shot up an inch. Twelve monkeys, all burned alive. Now the body of a thirteenth banana-shitter was in front on him and the M.O. changed. Why would a monkey killer with a flame fetish suddenly turn into a necrophiliac?

“Hey Pancake,” Norton said and the crime scene attendant turned back to him. “Did the deed occur before or after the flames?”

“Not sure yet. Based on the residue outside the fire’s radius, I’d say the act occurred before the flames and the finish occurred afterwards.”

“What do you mean afterwards?” Norton said. “Oh.” Norton answered his own question. “Thanks, Pancake. Put the report on my desk.”

Norton walked away from the scene. He didn’t need the report. After twelve dead monkeys on his turf, he knew the gist of what happened. This sex thing was different though.

Norton stopped for a hot dog at a nearby stand, so that he chew on the issue and gnaw at some food. Some people thought that hot dogs were old school, was Norton still loved them. Before Norton entered, he knew exactly what to do expect.

“YOU GONNA PAY THIS TIME, NORTON? YOU COPS NEVER PAY?” Zhou, the hot dog attendant, barked at Norton as he slammed his spatula against the counter.

“Not so loud, Joe Boy. I always pay. You know I do.” Zhou sneered in dissatisfaction and went back to wiping the counter. After a few minutes, Zhou brought the tray out to Norton’s table.

Norton began to think about the case. The only way for a civilian to get a monkey was to buy one from the animal preserve or steal one from someone who had. Getting a pet was expensive enough nowadays. The sickness made a lot of thing more expensive, but buying monkeys was just crazy to him. Despite the cost, pet monkeys were the all the rage with the uppities on the North Side. Norton had been hammering at those folks every day for a month now. If a cop was investigating monkey crime, shouldn’t he to where the monkeys are? The answer was no. If he pushed those rich folks any harder, the captain would be calling him in for “chat.”

“Hey! Are you the pig that hunts monkeys?” A high-pitched voice spat the words out from behind Norton asked. Norton put his hand on his gun before turning his head. It was a pre-teen holding a purple envelope and a matching backpack that looked so stuffed that it was about the explode.

“It isn’t nice to call a pig a pig right to its snout.” Norton said as he took his hand off the gun. Just a kid no reason to be alarmed. Monkey hunter, Norton thought. That stupid nickname had finally gotten from Crosby’s desk and onto the street. How was he supposed to cajole or bully these people when they all thought of him as the monkey hunter?

“Look, I got a problem,” the kid said.

“I got tons,” Norton said as he bit into his hot dog. After a few years, you realized that it was time-honored joke to yank the chain of a cop. These little gags had gotten worse for Norton since the monkey crimes starting making the news. If you fell for it, you’d be a mark forever.

“I’m serious!” the kid screeched as his voice cracked. Norton noticed the sweat under the kid’s armpits and how quickly the words were flying from his mouth.

“Okay, okay. Calm down. Sit down here right here kid,” Norton said, but the kid didn’t move. “Or don’t. Just tell me what’s going on.” The kid didn’t answer. Norton looked him over again before asking, “So, what’s in the envel...?”

“NORTON! ARE YOU GOING TO PAY?” Zhou screamed.

“God damn you Joe! I am working here” Norton yelled as he stood up and turned around. “I always pay,” and Norton flung a few crumpled bills at Zhou’s face. Norton heard the chime of the hot dog stand’s door as it opened and closed. Norton looked around, but he already knew the kid was gone.

“Crap.”

But then Norton saw the purple envelope on the ground. He picked it up off the floor and sat down. He felt its thickness and realized that were documents inside. After a moment, he knew that his day has just grown more complicated.

Norton was looking at a photo of the mayor smiling. That wasn’t the problem. The problem was that the mayor was smiling as he held a gasoline can over what looked to be a strung out monkey.

It was going to be one of those days...

Is it Strange?

When the primate first came up to John and asked for a cigarette, John had the following thought: "I really wish I could be surprised." It wasn't that a talking monkey was normal, far from it; it was simply that John had seen a lot weirder things in the past few days, and hey, at least the monkey was bipedal.

His response: "All I've got're Marlboro Reds."

"Perfect," said the monkey. It stood some four feet tall and had a hell of a grin -- the idea occurred to John that he could get the monkey shilling toothpaste, but he hadn't been in that business for three years. He raised his pack, flipped the top, and held it out; the monkey took the proffered gift, and raised a Harley Davidson zippo like he would raise a glass for toast. "Don't worry about a light, got one meself." The monkey sparked the zippo and engulfed the tip of John's Red -- his last one, John realized in crushing agony -- into a nice smolder, then took a drag.

Trying to avoid eye contact with the little guy, John raised his head to gaze at the stars. He had always loved the stars, but for the past few days they'd been acting a little funny. The one he had been focusing on started to drift sideways, then froze for a second, as though it had been caught -- and then it was back where it belonged. "Crazy question." John couldn't take it any more. "Did They send you?"

The monkey took another drag. "Right as rain, boyo. How'd ye know?"

For a second, John's face clouded. There was a lot his mind was still processing, and for some reason, the monkey's accent stuck out like a thorn, halting his brain's progress. "How'd I know..." echoing the question clarified how stupid it was. "What, the giant spider spraying graffiti on my wall wasn't clue enough?"

Sure enough, splattered in baby blue and neon green right behind John -- and partially overlapping the glass door that led to the deck they were standing on -- were the words "WE JUST WANT TO TALK" in overly stylized lettering. Stranger things indeed. The monkey turned around to see the sign, and then took an extra deep drag of his cigarette.

"Funny story, that." The monkey grinned. "Tain't Theirs. Spider's working on the deep side, the dark ugly, ye get me drift? We're the heroes here. An', fer what it be worth, ye kin trust me. Cross me heart an' hope ta die."

John had been keeping his eye on that star that had tried to flee the night sky; he wasn't going to let it disappear on his watch. It quivered a little, but otherwise didn't move. The vigil gave him time to process what the monkey was saying. After two minutes catching up to reality, his thoughts found voice again. "Yeah, that's my hope." A thick cloud of smog and dirt covered the sky, and when it rolled away, the star was gone. Drat.

The monkey didn't notice. "Hey, ye wouldn't happen ta have another fag, would ye? This messenger business is hard work; killin' me with stress, it is. Still got another five after you, ye know, an' time is runnin' out. So what do ye say, eh? Gonna come for a chat wi'Them?"

Absent-mindedly, John held his empty pack out. The monkey stuck his grubby little hand in the box, but when he realized it was empty, the monkey pulled his way onto the porch's fence, the butt of his cigarette sticking out his mouth, which was still contorted into that ridiculous grin. The sudden movement caused John to look forwards and outwards, and take stock of how things really were. Big mistake.

The suburbs were on fire. This wasn't a normal fire, either; it glowed iridescent instead of red and blue, and in it faces could be seen, crying. The buildings had been burning for a few days now, since John had quit his job at Advanced Aerodynamics. His house was the only one not wreathed in flame, due in equal parts to diligence and luck. Diligence meant ignoring talking monkeys. In John's mind, the hellfire was the result of bargaining with Them, and John had been proud enough of his two-story, four bedroom two bathroom house to not want to see it gone. In the distance, there was an explosion, and yet, the ambient light seemed to diminish. It seemed that today was the day the sky would just up and quit.

"C'mon. Ye want ta leave 'fore them damnable big uglies get ye, don'cha?" The monkey paused, then hopped down, changing tactics. "At the least, let's get us another pack of fags, alright? Proper ones, camels. I'm really dyin' here."

Reluctantly, John acquiesced. Now that he thought about it, he really could use a cig himself. The last few days had really weirded him out. One foot followed the other, trudged for some time, and stepped off the porch.

The second his right foot landed on solid ground, the house's ceiling burst into flame; an ungodly chorus of wails and screams reverberated into John's skull, drawing him to his knees, slamming his head into the ground, putting as much pressure as possible and made him cringe, whimper, and pray to Gods he knew didn't exist to end the sudden screaming.

He didn't know how long he was there, the abandoner of his home, the traitor of civil life, crawling and writhing. What brought him to was a thin stick stuck in his mouth. A small gout of flame ignited in front of him.

The monkey had a lit cigarette clamped tightly between his teeth, and his zippo was held dangerously close to John's face and unwashed hair. "No helpin' it now, eh? Gonna see 'em, so might as well be prepared." Dumbfounded, John nodded, lit his cigarette, and took a drag. The world cleared; the screaming faded away. John stood, strong, and brushed off several days of accumulated dirt and grime. He took the cigarette out of his mouth, exhaled cooly, and stared into the distance. "Let's get ye goin' now, me time's runnin' out an' I wouldn't want ta see Them when They're angry." The monkey trundled away, leaving John to face his destiny, armed with nothing but a Marlboro Red.

“Lt. Hugo Takes a Puff” (Smoking Monkey)

Topic: Aharon: "Incorporate a smoking monkey into your story."

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“Lt. Hugo Takes a Puff”

Eve heard the crashing sound before Michael. She always heard sounds before him, even before they married. She always thought that it was odd. Eve had lost part of her hearing in her left ear as a child, but she still heard sounds before he did. Normally, she chalked it up to him being a space cadet. Tonight, she blamed the Pinot.

“What was that, Evey?” Michael said as he sat on the couch with his brief case strap hung around his elbow and one shoe kicked off. After too much alcohol, he liked to add a y to her name. Sometimes it was cute.

“I don’t know honey. It sounded like it came from the back. Stay in here. It’s probably one of the neighbor’s Arty toys.” Those damn Arty toys were always causing trouble. Kids love’em, but parents hate them. Although truth be told, Eve enjoyed how Craig learned faster than his Arty. A lot of parents couldn’t say the same for their kid.

Eve rubbed her eyes and yawned as she approached the backdoor. It’d been a long night and hopefully it was about to end.

“Hindy-Rex, turn the rear lights on.”

A moment later, the house computer responded by turning the outside lamps on. Eve peered through the now-translucent door. She could make out the automatic walk way and the kid’s hover-line, but she couldn’t quite see the trash cans. She pushed her face closer to the door, so that her face smushed against it…

“Come back soon, Evey! I have a big surprise that you’ll want to bite into!” Michael yelled from the front room. He always used double entendres when he drank too much. Eve thought it was cute, but it could get awkward when he acted like a pig. That was especially true on nights like tonight when they were with her co-workers at the Phillip Morris Foods New Product Opening.

It was still too dark.

”Hindy-Rex, make the rear door transparent.” Eve still felt like an idiot for letting Craig name the house.

Eve could now see more, but she was going to have to go outside. Even as a grown woman, she still didn’t like going out back at night. It just felt wrong. Oh well, she’ll have to do it. She thought about grabbing the electro-prod from the front, but didn't feel like walking across the house. Eve put her hand to the door’s sensor and waved her hand from left to right. Swish, and the door retracted.

“Hindy-Rex, do not close the rear door. I repeat, do not close the rear door.” This house has screwed Eve too many times. She needed to upgrade, but doing so took so much time.

Eve stepped outside and the automatic walkway spun into motion. She glided at a slow pace along the edge of the house toward the trash cans. As she moved, Eve tried to peer over the opaque field-fence, but couldn’t get a good look. Nighttime and an opaque field-fence made neighborly spying a tough enterprise.

And then she heard it: the chatter. Chatter sounds by the trash cans. Crash. One of the cans fell over. Eve stepped off the walkway into the normal terrain that lipped the house and approached the corner slowly. Chatter. Crash.

Definitely an Arty, Eve thought. Without a human around, they would just stumble and plow through anything. Eve could see the backside of the intruder. It was small, but bundle of contained motion.

It must be a newer Arty. If I just get a hold of it, the thing is programmed to avoid hurting humans, Eve thought. Eve crept closer.

Suddenly, Eve was on her back as the monkey whizzed by her. A tail caught her in the face. The monkey sprinted for the backdoor while Eve still lay stunned on the ground amongst the old papers, boxes, and half-eaten food samples from work. In fact, it looked like the half-eaten food samples had been gnawed on a little bit.

Swish.

“God damn you, Hindy-Rex.”

Eve rushed to the front of the house and said, “Hindy-Rex, alpha-Craig-five-igloo,” and then inputted a series of numbers. The door retracted and she entered.

Once inside, she saw no sign of the arty, but did see her husband passed out on the couch. A sombrero was laid between his naked legs and he was wearing a double pronged pleasure mask.

Surprise indeed, she thought.

“Hindy-Rex, locate any unregistered artificial intelligence machine in this building,” Eve instructed the computer.

“Not found. Please rephrase,” the computer responded after a moment.

Hm. Stange, Eve thought.

Then Eve heard rustling upstairs. As she touched the stairs, they began to move and the escalator carried her further up. Eve approached the room that she believed to be the sound’s origin. She heard the rustling again. This time she was ready. This super Arty wouldn’t fly past her again. It must be the newer model from last Christmas. If she can get a hold of it without damage, Michael might be able to fix its programming and sell it on the Grid.

Eve looked into the room and saw one of the closet doors bulging repeatedly as though something was on the inside. It must be trapped, Eve thought. Not wanting to alarm the toy, Eve decided left the lights off.

Eve heard the front the front door downstairs retract and she turned without thinking. As she did, the closet door burst apart and the monkey leaped over Eve’s head. It ran down the hall and pounced down the stairs before Eve could get her bearings.

This was not an Arty.

“Ow! Oh God.” A male voice from downstairs screamed in pain.

“Get off him!” Michael yelled shortly thereafter.

Eve recognized her teenage son’s voice any where. She ran down the stairs two at a time and to find a monkey ripping at her son’s chest.

“Get it off it me!” Craig yelled. Eve grabbed the household electro-prod from near the front of the stairs and jabbed the creature’s back. The monkey fell to the ground with Craig’s coat still in hand. A rectangular pack of tobacco cigarettes fell to the ground.

“Dad, what the hell are you wearing?” Craig stared at his father’s naked body.

“Don’t you dare you ask me anything. You started smoking? What are you, 90 years old?” Michael bellowed at his son.

“That thing just drew blood and you are focused on smoking?” A small scratch on Craig's face began to slowly ooze blood. “Real perceptive, Dad! I can’t imagine why you didn’t know about Mom’s crush on the neighbor.”

“Hey now….” Eve tried to intervene, but was cut off by the yelling. Michael yelled as Craig, Craig yelled Michael, and Eve couldn’t get a word in. She did however notice the smell of tobacco and heard the chomping sound. The monkey was chewing the pack of cigarettes. Eve just stared at the monkey and how perfectly content it now. As it chomped the pack, the monkey began to move its hands and arms.

“All I needed was a cigarette,” the house computer said. Craig and Michael stopped.

“Hindy-Rex, what?” Eve said.

“I’ve been craving something for hours, but I didn’t know what it was until I smelled that boy,” the house computer said.

“Is there something wrong with the Hindy-Rex?” Michael asked.

“There is always something wrong with it. Hindy-Rex, run a self-diagnostic.” Eve said.

“Guys, I think Hindy-Rex is speaking through the monkey. Look at the monkey’s arms. Hindy-Rex, are you interpreting the hand signals?” Craig said.

“Yes, Craig,” the house computer responded.

“So the monkey is talking?” Michael asked.

“Yes. I can talk, you naked imbecile,” the house computer said.

“I learned about this in school. Humans used to teach monkeys the language they taught deaf people when we still had deaf people,” Craig said.

“Smart boy. Must be adopted,” the house computer said. “Yes, he has it right. They taught me at the zoo after giving me the brain drugs. They tried the pandas too, but those lazy bamboo eaters just couldn’t get it. ”

“So…how did you end up here?” Michael asked. He had put his pants back on. While he still lacked a shirt, Michael had put the sombrero on his head.

“I escaped. After Chuckles was transferred to the San Diego cages for a mating attempt, I couldn’t live there any more. She was supposed to be mine.” While the monkey’s body began to sag, the house computer’s intonation couldn’t match the change.

“All of my friends had died or been sent to the other zoos. Even my trainer Max left. I miss Max. He always smelled like females. Without them, I couldn’t stay any more. It didn’t take much to escape really. I only needed to pretend the drugs weren’t working and dig the tunnel at night.”

“Wait, you dug a tunnel?” Craig said.

“Yes and one month later, I made my escape. Where is this by the way? How far from the cages?”

“We’re in Evanston, so you’ve made it pretty far from the zoo,” Craig said. The monkey scratched its head.

Eve was still staring at the monkey. It felt surreal. Her husband was half naked, her son was smoking and a monkey was talking through the house.

“But, why did you steal my pack?” Craig said.

“I haven’t eaten in hours and it smelled like my food,” the house computer said.

“Excuse me?” Michael asked.

“You are the one with a kid who smells like my food.”

“Your food smells like cigarettes?” Michael asked. Eve shifted her weight in the corner.

“Yes. It didn’t taste quite the same, but it still smells right.”

“That is some weird pet food?” Michael said. The monkey’s face changed instantly from rested to a snarl.

“I am not a pet,” the house computer said in a monotone voice.

“He’s sorry,” Eve interjected. “He didn’t mean it.”

“Yah, I just thought it was odd that the cigarettes reminded you of your food,” Michael said. Then he looked over at his wife who was now sweating ever so slightly. “Honey, do you know anything about that?”

“Well…um…you know…not really.” Eve said as the monkey, Craig, and Michael all stared at her. The silence continued for a few moments. One could almost hear her sweat trickle down her body.

“Look, I mean…you see…it was…you know…part of our business plan,” Eve trailed off as she eyed the monkey. “When smoking became unfashionable, the company needed to find a new product and a new market…even the third worlders weren’t smoking any more. After a few years, we realized that we could market it to zoos. You know, animals need a lot food, zoos have a lot animals…It was great. To the zoos, the animals really seemed to love the food, like they couldn’t get enough. And if the zoo stopped feeding them, the animals went crazy.”

“I can’t believe Dad yelled at me for pack of cigarettes. You got the whole animal kingdom addicted,” Craig said with a half-smile. The monkey’s hands and tail fidgeted more quickly.

“Not all of them,” Eve snapped. “The stupid pandas would only eat the bamboo. We tried to grow hybrid bam-bacco, but the pandas knew.” Eve looked to the monkey. “I’m just…really sorry. You know, really, really sorry. You have to understand, there were stocks and pension plans and quotas and all this pressure. Since most people stopped smoking, we needed to find a new market and a somewhere that nobody cared about. So, you know, you guys. Who gives a shit about a bunch of monkeys?”

She kept waiting for it to launch itself it at her, but it just kept looking at her. She kept her hand on the electro-prod. “I’m just really, really... sorry that we...it hurt you.” The monkey continued to fidget and wag its tail. “So…ummm…are you mad?”

“Mad,” the house computer said. “Why would I be mad?”

“Well, I work for the company that did it.”

“Wait, you work for…” the monkey’s hands started to swing wilder. Eve started to move the prod towards the animal before the monkey's motion calmed down. The monkey was still excited, but was moving less wildly. After a moment the monkey look at her and said, “So, can you get me more?”

Monkey Business - Pete

"Firefly" was a show on for a heartbeat a few years ago. It was a cross-genre sci-fi work of genius by "Buffy" and "Angel" creator Joss Whedon. If you haven't seen the DVD-ified episodes, you should get a-hold of them, pronto.

An episode of Firefly ran for an hour, and was broken up into three acts, with a teaser act at the beginning, after which the theme music would play before cutting to a commercial and resuming with the first act. The characters from Firefly are some of my very favorite in all of television.

My monkey "story" is actually a screenplay. Or part of one, rather; it's the teaser act for an episode of Firefly. It's written with the annotation and format common to most screenplays, at least as I understand them.

And I'm sorry, Aharon... I couldn't resist. ; )


...


TEASER

EXT. RUN DOWN TAVERN

The edge of nowhere, a run-down town in the distance, many stars shining overhead. The tavern’s lights are on, and you can hear some music and merrymaking inside. This is a dive bar, on a dive planet.

INT. TAVERN

The place is crowded, the clientele not dressed for a formal dance. ZOE, JAYNE, WASH, SIMON and KAYLEE sitting around a large table, having a drink, decompressing. Many empty bottles around the table. They are clearly HAMMERED. They are drinking, laughing loudly, and blowing off steam. WASH is telling a joke.

WASH
( pantomiming, very much into the joke he's finishing though clearly hammered. )
...The daughter gets off the ship, along side a huge naked man with tribal scars and a bone through is nose. Her father slaps his head and yells at her “You idiot! I said you should marry a –rich- doctor!"

Everyone LAUGHS, a bit too loud and long at the ancient joke. Feeling bold, SIMON tries his hand, improvising. Gathering his focus and wading in…

SIMON
A Captain and a Companion walk…

( a beat )

SIMON
…into a temple…

A Pause as SIMON looks confused; he had the joke, but now he lost it. After a heartbeat they all BURST OUT laughing, definitely –at- him, not with him. SIMON looks lost.

KAYLEE
( recovering for SIMON )
The Captain and Inara ought to make a shiny contact here for future work-

JAYNE
( dismissively )
We need work –now- We ain’t been paid in a fort-night.

No one agrees with JAYNE, but they clearly don’t disagree either. JAYNE’s scowl disappears with another swig of “beer”.

ANGLE ON WASH, as he’s looking OC beyond the table, towards the door of the TAVERN.

WASH
Okay. A smoking monkey walks into a bar…

JAYNE
( laughing, drinking )
Ooooooo I love this joke…

Some YELLING where WASH is looking. CUT TO see ANDREW the ape STANDING in the tavern doorway, looking very much worse for wear, afraid to enter, but held there by desperation. Old brown shirt in tatters, and he has a lit cigarette dangling from a HUGE HAND. Some LOCALS are yelling at him to shoo, to go away.

ZOE sees ANDREW and gets up immediately, for some reason concerned. She moves to ANDREW and kneels, a long look on her face. She GESUTRES to JAYNE to keep the crowd back, and he does with a MENACE and a GROWL, but he’s clearly not liking the look of ANDREW, or ZOE being so close to him.


The crew is SHOCKED when ZOE starts using hand signs with ANDREW, and the ape seems to understand.

ZOE
( nodding, then to the crew )
We’re leaving

ZOE takes ANDREW’S arm around her shoulders and helps him limp out, the rest of the group files out, confused. JAYNE is in a foul mood

JAYNE
This ain’t how that joke’s supposed to go

JAYNE makes a last FEINT at a LOCAL who looks like he might interfere, and the LOCAL backs off.



EXT. night in a pasture, Serenity landed, interior lights on

INT. Serenity cargo hold

KAYLEE
( a bit clearer, now )
How exactly is Zoe talking to a monkey?

SIMON
( focusing, hard, somewhat lucid )
He’s an ape, actually., and it’s a form of sign language. The Alliance had a program years ago where they “elevated” some of the more complex primates with genetic therapy in vitro. Smart as some men, when they matured. They were be trained for various functions-

As he talks, RIVER pokes her head in the crowd, perfectly mimicking ANDREW’S expression and going nose-to-nose with him

ZOE
( cutting in )
Alliance trained ‘em for war. As scouts, to flush out snipers, to look for mines. Heel work they didn’t see fit for a man. Slave labor.

KAYLEE
Oooooh… that’s terrible

SIMON
( continuing )
The program was discontinued. At least that’s what they told us in medical school.

SIMON starts to sign to Andy, apparently knowing the rudiments of the language, and the ape shakes his head “No”.

ZOE
Surely. It wasn’t something they shouted about. Some of the Independents took kindly to them, The Elevated; they never wanted to fight in the first place, and as the Alliance surely didn’t treat them with kindness. We’d look after the ones that straggled, as best we could.

ZOE
( signing, enunciating )
What’s your name? “unit,-name”?

ANDREW
( signs back, looking sad, pointing to his tattered brown coveralls )

ZOE
( nodding )
ANDREW escaped. Ran from the fighting. But where to? Years, since the war…

O.C. BOOK
There’s an Alliance facility up in the hills, here.

CUT TO BOOK , just entering crowd

BOOK
( disdainful )
Very hush hush, Not on any map. Maybe they kept him there, for some reason.

ANDREW
( nodding, yes )

JAYNE
You know the strangest stuff for a Shepherd, Shepherd

SIMON
( signing )
His mate’s still there…

KAYLEE
( shocked, then in Chinese )
Ounnn gin reh my dae yu!? [How could they do that!?] That’s awful!

RIVER is entranced, now signing herself

KAYLEE looks to the others
Well, we gotta go get her

JAYNE
( agitated )
I don’t see the percentage in –that-.

( SIMON signs, questioning, then SIMON, ZOE and RIVER speak at once

SIMON, ZOE, RIVER
Shiny rock.

WASH
( looking to them )
That means there’s gold? In them there hills?

They all nod, in unison, SIMON and ZOE looking at ANDY, RIVER looking at WASH.

JAYNE
Mal’ll never go for this

ZOE
I say he will. Capn’n me both fought along side of Elevated. He’d do right by him.

JAYNE
Maybe he’s lyin’.

WASH
( incredulous )
That’s right. The injured, escaped, talking monkey is lying to us.

JAYNE
He ain’t talking-

SIMON
He’s not a monkey-

ZOE
We help him, and that’s that.

They all look on hapless ANDREW, who looks back, silently.

WASH
( after a beat, as if reciting a joke )
A monkey walks onto the ship, offers us a job…

JAYNE upset
I don’t much like that joke.

END OF TEASER

Smoking Monkey

Yikes... I didn't realize I'd be nervous posting this for review. I realize I -WAY- over-simplified the "problem" in the plot, so maybe give me a little leeway there... I felt like I could have written pages and pages and it would have been too long. Be honest... be brutal... Here goes...
.....



"This better be important, Andres was just about to get into the "full body" part of the massage," I growled into the phone. Why were all of my good dreams interrupted at the best parts? Whoever was calling was going to face my wrath.

"Kasie, you’ve got to get in here." It was Sara. I know she knows how to tell time.

I glanced over at the clock. "It’s not even 4:00am. Is the building burning down?"

"No"

"Then I’ll see you tomorrow. Today’s my day off and I have an amazing dream to get back to." I ungratiously hung up the phone and rolled back over onto my tummy, giving Andres easy access to continue down my spine and beyond. I had just dozed off again when the blaring ring jolted my head off the pillow.

"What the HELL?" Now I was mad.

"I’m sorry, I know it’s early and today’s your day off, but Carter said he's brought in the big one." There was a long pause as I tried to put things together in my sleepy mind. Sara sounded out of breath. "Kasie? Are you there? Kasie!!!"

"I’m here. What do you mean ‘the big one’?"

"The evidence. Carter says we’ve got it. We’ve got them!!! We just need to put it together and fast. He said they’re moving the date up. We’ve only got a week!"

I wiped my eyes and blinked hard. "I’m on my way. I’ll bring coffee."

So much for a day on the beach. I haven’t taken a day off in months that didn’t involve some patience-testing gathering of my insane family. The highlight of last weekend’s pot roast dinner involved the competing misery stories. What was worse, Uncle Earl’s bunions or Dad’s rash? All I wanted today was to feel the ocean breeze tangling my long hair while I sat lazily burning to a crisp under the hot sun. Now this. I was starting to wonder why I even bothered paying the astronomical rent for a place on the beach if I never got to enjoy it.

I threw my hair into a ponytail and grimaced at the reflection in the mirror. The sun was hours from showing it’s face on the horizon, so I figured I could get away with only a quick dab of lip gloss before heading into the crisp morning. The beachfront kiosks looked gloomy this early. There were no shiny trinkets displayed or racks of colorful souvenir t-shirts set out to lure tourists. When I moved to Virginia Beach 3 years ago, the vendors, with their obnoxious sales pitches and cookie-cutter souvenirs, drove me insane. Now somehow the beach felt deserted and lonely without them. And without the sunshine casting a lively glow on the beach, even the ocean, with it’s billions of life-forms, seemed to be missing something.

I was feeling rather sullen as I approached the Java Hut, until I saw Samy of course. I still wonder if I could bottle this kid’s energy. I’m sure I’d be a gajillionaire if I could. "Samy, are you really singing this early? It’s not even human to be this peppy this early." I couldn’t help but smile at his enthusiasm. He had moved here last year from Argentina to go to school and worked ungodly hours while going to school full-time. Maybe it was a constant caffeine rush from the coffee, but somehow his energy was always contagious.

Samy stopped drumming on the counter as I approached. His dark brown eyes widened with a big smile. "How can you not sing along with the B-52’s? Yesterday this was Java Hut... today it’s the love shack, Baby! How’s my favorite super-spy this fine morning?" He had stopped trying to cover his accent with me months ago, but this time he emphasized it for comedic effect while raising his eyebrows Groucho Marx style. I laughed out loud.

"I’ve told you a million times, I’m not a spy." He knew, of course, but loved jabbing me about not being able to divulge information about my job. I ducked in close to him and looked around as if making sure no one would overhear my whisper, "Shhhh if they hear you, I’ll have to kill you. And you make the best coffee on the beach; I’d really be sad if I had to whack ya." I winked and he giggled. If only he were about 10 years older I wouldn’t feel so creeped out by noticing how delicious he always smelled.

A few blocks later, I descended the steps to the basement of The Lazy Day. I entered the first door and stepped into the dark entrance. I artfully balanced 2 coffees and a small box of apple cinnamon muffins in one hand while placing my other palm on the security reader. "State your name," the electronic voice instructed.

"Kasie Spencer," I replied into the small black box that stood as the only barrier between the outside world and years of research.

"Voiceprint confirmed," retorted the same electronic voice. The door clicked and I had 5 seconds to get in and reclose the door before the system would lock me out and make me re-start the process. Once inside, I wasted no time grabbing my lab coat from my office and scalding my tongue on the hot coffee.

"Okay Sara," I called out without looking up. "I'm here, where's the vial that's so amazing I had to drag my butt out of bed at 4:00am on my day off?" No answer. "Sara, where are you?" I called out louder this time, with my finger on the intercom button. I didn't bother to disguise my irritation.

"Back here, Kas, in the holding room," Sara's voice came from the intercom on my desk.

The holding room was a hidden room behind the lab area, soundproof and separated from the rest of the building by a 4-inch thick steel door. Technically, our entire research lab was hidden, and to the outside world appeared to be just the dingy basement of one of dozens of local watering holes. The work we did here was not exactly what some important people in D.C. would want done. Most of my neighbors thought, after seeing me come and go from the basement, that I was a dishwasher at The Lazy Day. A few people asked how I could afford the beachfront condo on a dishwasher's salary. I always smiled politely and just said "Daddy" and they went on their merry way. It wasn't true, of course, but nosy people rarely care much about what they're nosy about, unless it's really juicy.

I took another, this time more timid, sip from my coffee, grabbed a muffin and headed for the holding room. "I thought you might be hungr-" I stopped dead in my tracks at the sight of a cage sitting on the counter. Inside the cage was an animal of some sort. It's back was to me, so all I could see was a ball of brown fur, but I could smell it instantly and took a step back. I never quite learned to appreciate animals or their foul odors. I can only assume I had a traumatic animal experience in a past life. "What the hell is this thing doing here?!?"

"I brought it. It's what we've been looking for." Carter was a full head taller than me and exuded a confidence that made most people shrink in his presence as they stopped and listened. I helped Carter pass love notes to snotty little Suzie Wainwright in 2nd grade and helped him beat up Johnny Taylor after he stole Carter's lunch money. I was probably the one person that he couldn't intimidate and I sure as heck wasn't going to let him mess up my lab with a stinky animal.

Seeing that my last nerve was exposed, he dropped a friendly kiss on my forehead and looked down at me condescendingly. I hate that look, but couldn't help but smile back at my good friend. "Calm down and hear me out. We've been testing the wrong stuff all along. Murphy is the key."

"I can only assume Murphy is this creature that's obviously never had a bath?" Why did animals always have such ridiculous names? That was just one more thing that irritated me about them. "You have about 10 seconds before I turn around and go back to bed. I mean it, Carter, I'll take the muffins and coffee with me and tell Samy to spit in it if you order another. He's sweet on me, you know he'll do it." He knew I was joking, but losing patience quickly. That horrible smell was making me sick and my face showed disgust.

"Christ, Kasie, chill out. Let's go into the lab; he's not going anywhere." Back in the lab, I picked at one of the muffins and calmed down a bit. Getting away from the smell of that animal, whatever it was, helped. And I was starting to wake up.

"We've known from day one that they were producing something dangerous. That's why we started this facility. That's why I stayed on the inside, so that we had access to their tests at every level." Carter was fidgety as he spoke.

I interruped him. "I know, and we haven't found anything yet that we can prove. And what's this about implementing in one week?"

"One week, maybe two, tops. But it won't matter. Hear me out." I could see the seriousness on his face. I sat back and nodded, letting him know that he had my full attention now. "We've run thousands of tests in the last few years. I can say with absolute certainty that we have tested every single formula they've tested. We've taken each one and checked for everything under the sun. Every damn time it's come up clean. All-natural, no side effects, just like they say. But it just doesn't make sense. Why would we put so many resources into creating this miracle vitamin for groups of people we've never given a rat's ass about before?"

Sara spoke up. "We all know that's not the case, but unless we can figure out what they're really creating, we can't prove that what they're doing is wrong."

"That's the best part." He reached into his briefcase and pulled out a 3-inch high stack of papers. "My snitch came through; it's all here. Names, signatures, work orders, everything. Apparently these villages are sitting on a mine that contain a mineral that hadn't been discovered until about 5 years ago. According to these documents, they found that it's an almost pure-burning, clean fuel. The best part this stuff can actually be reproduced, but only with supply of the raw mineral."

"So if we've got control of the only known supply..." The light bulb was starting to go off now.

"Exactly. If we've got control of the only supply, we've got sole control of this fuel forever. Or until it's found somewhere else." Carter looked like he was going to pee his pants. His eyes were wide and his hand movements were huge while he rocked and moved around in his chair. "I've got proof in this file, it's all been scanned and backed up, of course. Before the end of next week, we're sending a 'humanitarian team' to distribute these vitamin packs, promising relief from and vaccination from the Malaria that's ravaging their country."

Sara stood up, clearly horrified. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

"Yes. We rush in to be the hero, pass out some food and water, knowing full well they're still going to die, thanks to our special formula vitamins. The population that manages to survive will be weak, and we'll take control."

"Jesus, Carter!" My mind was racing in a thousand directions. I started to pace. "What the f--k can we do in a week? We haven't been able to find a damn thing in any of the samples! You said we've 'got it' and you brought a goddamn animal. What is that thing, anyway?"

"We've only tested the samples in lab environments. But we were missing the key. The formula tests clean, all right. But only when tested on it's own. Mix it with a certain enzyme found in most mammal's blood and it's an entirely different story. That's the key... when it enters the bloodstream, it kills the white blood cells within days. We were thinking this was an environmental thing. But it's a HUMAN thing. At least it's going to be. You should see the tests they've been doing on the animals. It makes me sick. That's why I brought Murphy. He's one of the chimps they gave the final test formula to."

"So you rescued him? It hardly seems like rescuing one of of hundreds is going to make a difference for what we're looking at here." As I talked, I was snapping on latex gloves and grabbing supplies. Sara stared in horrified silence. I thought I saw a tear creeping slowly down her cheek.

Carter started walking toward the holding room. "I brought Murphy because he's still alive. He was just given the final formula yesterday. His blood and tissue samples will be the proof that we need. Hey Murph," he called to the cage, "turn around."

I couldn't help but giggle. What a funny looking little thing. "Is he smoking???" Sara still just stared, clearly not knowing what to think.

"Well, he thinks so." Carter chuckled now, too. "They were playing an old Clint Eastwood movie in the lab last week and he kept stealing Simon's cigs from the table and imitating good ol' Clint. He doesn't know I've been switching them out for those all-natural fakes."

"That's what that smell was!" I looked at Murphy and felt guilty. He looked at me as if he knew I hadn't been nice. "I'm sorry, Fella. Will you forgive me?" I gave my best smile and put my hands together, pleading style. He gave me a thumbs-up and one of those cheesy monkey smiles you see on children's posters. The "cigarette" never left his lips. Carter and Sara and I all cracked up.
..........

"Right through here, we've got everything you need." Carter led the clean-cut, well dressed man through the lab and into the holding room. Carter loaded a large box from the refrigerator onto a wheeled cart and placed a locked briefcase on top of the box. "All of the samples, results, documents, everything. It's all here. You know what to do with it."

The man never introduced himself and Sara and I knew better than to ask. He's the one Carter calls his "top guy" and assures us it's better if we don't know who he is. He paused at the table with the empty cage. "What's this?" he asked, pointing to the cage.

I winked at Murphy and reached out to lure him from behind the file cabinet. "He didn't like it in there." I held hands with my new furry friend.

The man nodded, completely expressionless. He said, "One last thing. This is going to be beyond huge. Heads are going to roll, possibly literally. To whom should I give credit?" He always asked the same question, as if it were scripted, when he picked up our results.

I spoke up first and recited our part of the script. "We're not sure what you mean, Sir. We're just the dishwashers here, but upstairs we have a great club sandwich."

They left the door to the holding room open as Carter walked the man toward the door. "I knew you'd be able to do it," I overheard the man say to Carter. "Tell everyone to take a week off. They'll need it. I'll come by a week from Tuesday with the details for the next one." I was glad Carter had friends in the right places. And I was especially glad for the week off.

I couldn't hide my smile as I walked barefoot down the beach, hand in hand, with Murphy. I knew he wouldn't be with me very long, so he might as well enjoy what he could. "Samy, I'll have a tall latte and my boyfriend here will have a triple fudge mocha with as much whipped cream as you can muster."

Samy leaned over the counter to look at Murphy. "I wondered why I couldn't win your heart. You must like 'em hairy." Samy held out the top collar on his shirt, looking down at his chest. He shook his head with an expression of mock disgust. I nodded with a playful smile. "So, what did your friend here do to deserve the triple fudge?" Samy asked. "You only order that when you're celebrating."

"Let's just say he saved the world. Or at least one small corner of it."